Sunday, October 7, 2007

Putting Humpty Together Again

I now have a fake front tooth to fill the gap left by the one that was knocked out. No more hillbilly smiles! And new glasses as well, as the old pair broke in half in the accident. I even went and had my hair done, and in spite of being alarmingly blonde, received my step-daughter's seal of approval as looking younger and more stylish. Woo-hoo!

Still on the long and winding path of healing. A fair bit of anxiety and frustration - too much time to get philosophical. I had the thought that so many people say, upon hearing about the accident, that it could have been worse. Very true, but it occured to me that it could also have been better. I could have had a scraped knee, or injured nothing but my pride.

I mentioned this to my husband, who lost a leg in an accident when he was 15. (Yeah, what right do I have to moan about ANYTHING?) He agreed that he has spent many hours thinking about the fractions of a moment, or angle of movement, or inch one way or the other that could have made all the difference between the best and worst outcomes in his accident. I definitely have regrets, and blame myself for having the stupid bag on the handlebars. I need to forgive myself at some point.

I have flashbacks of the moment of falling, and the impact. They are not as disturbing now, but still make me wince. I use the technique of substituting a mental image of a "happy place" when the flashbacks happen - it helps me quite a bit. I am also working on breathing and meditation, but have found I need to loosen my brace for that, as it restricts my diaphragm so much. I had a massage last week, which was wonderful - relieved so much tension - and acupuncture this week. I am looking into cranio-scracral, which I have had in the past with some significant results, but the cost is quite steep, and not covered under Blue Cross.

And that's another worry. I am lucky to have extended health coverage through my husband's work, but it doesn't cover everything, and since I can't work myself, money is pretty tight. What on earth do people without extended health or disability plans do?

Practise gratitude, Heather. Practise gratitude.

P.S. I would like to mention my cat Britannia who has turmed out to be a good nurse through this healing thing. She regularly reminds me of the need for rest and and her warm and comforting presence enforces it if need be. It's no wonder that the many alien creatures on Doctor Who included a race of giant cats who were nurses.

1 comment:

Julie said...

My daughter and I were biking together six years ago when she was clipped by a hit and run driver, a half block from our house. The flashbacks, the self-blame...I can relate. It sounds like you are using great resources to deal with it. At times like this, I try to remember the phrase, "This, too, shall pass."
If you're interested, I wrote about my experience with the accident here.